Rehman J. She told she was also present during the delivery. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. I never expected to be a second wife. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Now the first wife has no say. But in Pakistan and Iran, only consent is required from the first wife and need to show it in the court as proof for the second wife. Mrs. Amir was the 2nd wife and also had no children her husband married her for children and his family again forced him for 3rd wife by giving the reference of the religious doctrine. This is by far the most common (and the most frequently legal) form of polygamy. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. The co-wives were approached from their homes. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. Eva wasnt happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. A couple of years after her mother's death, Deschamps' father remarried in an LDS Temple and was sealed to his second wife. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. 5. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? U.S. immigration law frowns on being married to more than one person at the same time, and prohibits both bigamists and polygamists from becoming naturalized citizens. Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. But it was a happy marriage for her with 2 children (one boy and one girl). She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. I'm seven months pregnant. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. 6. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. Six were first (senior) wives, four were second wives, and one was the 3rd wife in status. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. Istanbul, Turkey. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. Being a step-parent can be a very . Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. One of the misconceptions about being someone's second wife is that you'll have no choice but to have a low-key courthouse wedding with minimal fanfare, and that the ghosts of weddings past will linger. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. Ethnographic accounts of 69 polygynous systems and reported evidence that the majority of co-wives in a polygynous family prefer pragmatic co-operation with one another while maintaining a respectful distance however having a deep-seated feeling of angst that arises over competing for access to their mutual husband [21]. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. International Nursing Review. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. 11 in-depth interviews were conducted with the help of the above-given interview guide with an age range of 18-50 years of polygamous women after obtaining initial data. To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. Sharing household chores: Mrs. Tanveer with time accepted her co-wife and living in the same home. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? Why is it higher the second time around? Polygamy as sort of status symbol. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Teyana Taylor and her husband can have threesomes if it works for Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya, After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. Mrs. Gulzar said "I had no option other than to make a compromise and accept co-wife because of my female kids. Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. The current study provides preliminary data on women in polygamous marriages and the foundation for further research. She said being Muslim I should follow and admit the true teachings of Islam." Bigger families imply more connections. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. However, on appeal the. Polygamy has become very common in numerous cultures particularly in Islamic society. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). READ MORE:After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. Policy-makers should be made aware of the implications of polygamous marriages on womens health and well-being. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. Eleven women participated in the study. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? Go figure. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". She also explained, "I never made differences among children". What kind of man has three wives and no job? Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. I live in a rented flat and pay half the rent. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". His family says it was unaware of any "second. But Thembi* (the second wife) shocked our husband and decided to stay in the main house with Thamsanqa. They each have their separate rooms, and their husband alternates time spent between them equally. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. She was a nurse and divorce. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. Both babies were through cesarean. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. What's popular and why. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. Second marriages are like that. These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. She told her a tragic story. Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. One of the hardest aspects of being a second wife is having to deal with the emotional baggage of the failed marriage. disadvantages of being a second wife islamirina emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by It doesnt mean that it wont last. They get along because this is normal to them they have agreed to it., We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. Journal of Moral Philosophy. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. Yet we make as felicitous a stepfamily as you are likely to find. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. All women were Muslims. But after few months it was disclosed. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. My husband has two wives . Consent i s the keyword. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . She had only one daughter. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. You didnt grow up thinking; I cant wait until I meet a divorced man! Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. A Muslim convert says that being a second wife provides her. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Polygamy has become common practice in many communities including Pakistan. It can be challenging when you expect those normally happen times of the year to be a certain way, but then they arent so much. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. Brigham Young and His Wives. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. Thats life. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Since this is nobody's tremulous, maiden love affair, get ready to handle some emotional baggage as a second wife. So, she accepted this relationship. | Also watch: A guide for second wives to create a happy blended family. Accepting polygamy does not make. In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants.
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