Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. And for some reason people always seem to have the idea that it wont happen to them. No. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. Look you can either take what the LW wrote in the letter to be a marginally accurate representation of what is going on or why bother reading and commenting at all? I dont think hes scum based on this either. And, you know, your well reasoned logic and stuff. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! The waiter has no idea that she has a severe allergy to peanuts, so doesnt tell the kitchen to change gloves when preparing her meal. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. Consider the consequences or dont. Girls dropped the single "So Typically Now" way back in July of last year, it was clear Meg Remy's next outing would continue the wild ride kicked off when . You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. Run. Dump this creep. Thats shitty. I think what you are forgetting in all of this is that a child is not a peanut. Its none of your business. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. I see youre an ignorant homophobe too. Where exactly do you live? Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. He hides me as well as the other girl. But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! It is due to his own stupidity if he thought that a single sexual encounter could not produce a child, that birth control pills would definitely prevent him from impregnating someone or that he could legally opt out if a pregnancy occurred. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Move forward with your life. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. Any male after the onset of puberty can make a baby. Come on! . Come on, though Three times? Dude, get away from this guy pronto! Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? My Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Before We Started Dating, What And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. Ok, so this dude: That is pretty much it. Ill weigh in on this If its a guy I dont know well enough regarding his sexual prowess, no way am I going down on him. Sue Jones You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. If its not easy, opt out of it. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? I love your snark this morning!! Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. Probably a creationist, from what you know about biological science. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. That fact just rubs me the wrong way. I was devastated. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. Wanting nothing to do with his child, which like it or not seems to be coming, is not acceptable- and a mature girlfriend would help him to see that these are the cards hes been dealt, and that he now has to work with them. The fact that a child is adopted does not somehow guarantee the theyll be cared for. You know, if he was tricked its not surprising that he would say these things. If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions without relying on you to rescue him. Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. Why, my God, you could have hit a chid running out in the street. Thats nature, Tim. Absolutely BOIL. Yeah, but theres a lot of harshness toward the LW as well. But woman, grow the hell up. OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. Or shes financially and emotionally ready to have a baby. You can get pregnant on birth control! Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. April 10, 2012, 7:01 pm. or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. Who are we talking about now? He could've at least waited a week after coming back! CONSTANTLY. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. Understand that he will not leave her for you. Outstanding dont have kids. John Rohan April 9, 2012, 12:39 pm. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. bittergaymark He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. P.P.S. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. 13 Honest Reasons Guys Think About Their Ex After A Breakup - YourTango He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. Jess of CGW And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. No, thats the kids money. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. It;s an even bigger dickish move, dare I say cuntish move to fucking LIE about being on the pill to get knocked up Or maybe shes just a fucking idiot and cant figure out how to follow the directions on a prescription bottle. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. These are very common questions going through a guy's mind when he finds out his ex had a baby with someone else and now wants him back. No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. I am pro-choice, for both woman and for men. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. She wants to live in a dorm with her friends and no way is she missing weeks of school to give birth. He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. Weeks. The good news is that yours are a little less awful. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. No one should be forced to abort a child, but no one should be forced to have one they do not want. Long story short he ended up comeing to his sences and we got back together a month or so before our son was born. Watch your language young lady! Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. 1. So true. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. Move on. I do think he has a legal and monetary one, which he has stepped up to. If he decides to abandon his child, he is. Second, after all this talk of how disgusting he was for supposedly not using a condom, not knowing her all that long, etc., why no talk about this woman doing the exact same thing (number it takes to tango = 2) and having to deal with the consequences? But, the real reason you can't let go is because you feel bad that you've invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. Problem. .. but what if she did deceive him? Two. April 9, 2012, 9:23 pm. Best of luck. It doesnt involve any weird semi-involvement; but rather a clean break for the child and a chance to build a happy, loving life with a set of great parents. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. female evanscr05 When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. It was her choice. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. It is duplicated below. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). Chuck Pelto Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. Or maybe you feel like youre trapped between a rock and a hard place. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. skyblossom Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. You can leave this dude, try to learn to live life on your own, try to show compassion toward your fellow women, and try to learn to identify unhealthy relationships straight away, before you find yourself embroiled in more soap-opera style theatrics. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. Our relationship was mostly good until we hit a rough patch towards the last year of our relationship. lol. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. Even though people would like to think that the pill is 100% effective it is not. savannah They came first. Not exactly. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed Me - Bolde Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. Especially the children. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? It says there is no child at conception. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. It doesnt make sense. Its the law. In the future, if I should ever have the desire to date again I would use condoms in addition to birth control to make sure I dont get diseases. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. Guy Friday When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. Well, ok. I simply had to chime in here as this is what I do for a living and so many people are sadly misinformed. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. Steve Kellmeyer The letter implies that the only protection used was the birth control. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. Your Turn: "He Got Another Woman Pregnant While We Were on a Break!" I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! I kept waiting for someone to say this. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. For whatever reason that may be. Stop this back and forth with him. I must be bloody kidding myself. So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. Exactly. I will chalk you up as being an internet hairpuller. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. If you are a woman, if you just met a guy, and if you become pregnant, you can get 20+ years of child support. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. Not to say that a single mother cannot give a child the support she needs alone, but as the father if you wash your hands of being in the childs life, you do not KNOW or even have a reasonable expectation (especially if shes a one night stand youve only known for 2 minutes) that the mother will be a sufficient parent. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. Is that pretty much it? Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. Think of the children. I am willing to give this guy a teeney, tiny shred of doubt that he is in shock and is responding poorly, but that he could be a decent guy who will come around wants he gets his head around the situation. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. Ive done that on a number of occasions. meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. If youre a man, your time to prevent having a child is when you have sex and decide how to protect yourself. Im not saying he did. Dont let him use you because his life is in chaos now. But the kid is coming, and if your BF is a decent guy, he *should* be there for his child (if he doesnt come around eventually, you may need to consider if hes someone worth being with). Read the comments. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. Talk about malarky. submandave Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. I feel so depressed about everything. evanscr05 Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? And the fact is, biology dictates that women have control once a pregnancy has occurred- not just the legal system. But I just don't know anymore. The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. so its a little early to judge. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. What a joke. Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. You wouldnt need to administer it. There is no way to know this. Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. Not your wallet, not your choice. .you can call me whatever you like. The law provides that the parent taking care of the child is entitled to support from the other parent. Here's Why Your Ex Keeps Texting You After The Breakup Vampires arent supposed to glitter and werewolves arent supposed to be pedophiles. It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. MOA, and wash your hands of the whole thing. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. 2. . My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. No. That happens. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. April 9, 2012, 6:54 pm. I think hes allowed to have an opinion about the woman after all, hes about to be handcuffed to her for the next 19 years or so. The 16 & Pregnant cast member slash Teen Mom 2 firebrand is many things, but she has never been lucky in love. Also I disagree with the logic that if you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. For the love of all things holy are you deliberately obtuse or truly lacking in basic comprehension? I think that one should be able to decide if one is ready to be a parent and, if not, make that clear when there is time to abort the pregnancy. 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? I just feel that they are, at times, the least bad solution. The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. illinois obituaries 2020 . This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. I DO think its completely absurd to be furious with someone else however when you become a parent after choosing to do the exact thing that can cause pregnancy. I think that is fair. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. Posted Over 1 Month. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) I dont see anything wrong with his points. Is that your position, or am I misinterpreting it? Hes scum all around in my book. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Can you elaborate? Let me fill you in on reality: when a guy sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill, he does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. She didnt rape him. I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? But what a guy usually doesn't take into consideration is that a lot has happened after the breakup. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? This woman is having a baby, not a concept. We all know breakups are painful. Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. SweetsAndBeats If the woman doesnt want the child, she has that option. How does your law make this fair? Itll be hard work, but I genuinely think it can be done. My boyfriend got another girl pregnant. What should we do? April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. And hopefully people begin to realize that just taking the pill isnt an absolute gurantee that you wont make a baby. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks).
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